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I’m sad I can’t post articles on here like I can on twitter. Ugh. Oh well at least I can share the link. x.com/702valetpark...

Valet Parker (@702ValetParker) on Xhttps://t.co/8cyD5RyVI1x.com

I’m personally offended more people aren’t following @heatherofvegas.bsky.social @hollydavis.bsky.social @annievesper.bsky.social @exclusivemuse.bsky.social @mymegan.com It’s honestly pretty rude…. Also I’m about to bring back the starter packs…stay tuned.

My friend had no idea that money shot was a porn phrase and I found out he’s been using it in business settings when discussing projects. He thought I was lying because I was crying from laughter when I told him he needed to stop using that term because it didn’t mean what he thought it meant.

The Nordic Model is the only policy I know that could be described as Maxwell adjacent. Put women in risk, swoop in with moral outrage, and claim its protection. Let’s just call it the Ghislaine Model and save everyone the euphemisms.

Forget hickies. Give him a black eye, let the other women know you’re not here for games.

Me, processing emotions, Scroll Instagram → find meme confirming I’m unhinged → send to friend → me lol. It’s therapy, but funnier.

Why don’t grocery stores have carts in the middle of the aisles? You know, for the moments when you realize you underestimated exactly how many groceries you actually needed.

I’ve decided to start keeping a diary that is 80% fabrication. When I die, I want my loved ones reading it like, Wait…WHEN did she join a secret society? Legacy is a choose your own adventure.

There’s a very specific kind of karma reserved for people who play victim after causing the damage.

It’s always the ones screaming harassment that mysteriously forget how to take a screenshot.

It’s always the men who called you crazy who study you like scripture in private.

Escorts lie? Bro, your favorite club girl has a nurse friend who hasn’t touched a patient since 2016 and a makeup artist who only works weekends…in Miami.

Why do all you, not escorts have the same photographer, same poses, and the same group alibi? Did y’all major in synchronized monetization?

If you think the group of influencers at your table aren’t escorts, congrats, you’re the free bottle in this scenario.

You begged for commitment. I negotiated a rate. Guess who cried less.

She judged escorts while submitting 11 drafts of a hey text to a man who won’t Venmo her back for gas.

You perform unpaid emotional labor, lie about your orgasm, and settle for Snapchat attention, but I’m the one selling out?

Calling me a whore while trying to get flown out by a guy who won’t pay for WiFi. Baby, you’re in coach and denial.

I only dissociate at work Monday through Friday from 9 to 5. I’m a professional.

Accidentally just opened my front camera. we remain grateful for personality.