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this constant advertisement is too much why the hell are there “best by”adds on all my perishables i want an egg not a tv

what if u say i wish this monkey paw wouldn’t curl what then

i have no idea how this company functions i’m the smartest guy here and i’m a idiot

birds at like 5:20 in the morning

people say he’s not funny but everytime i see one of his playstation 1 graphics ass cars i laugh out loud

i’m sorry i cut you off but that hand gesture isn’t very keeping with your coexist bumper sticker

be right there just gotta type some insane bullshit into my phone first

imagine some renaissance guy paints u and calls it something like “the idiot” and then hundreds of years later people wear fancy clothes to come and see a picture of u trying to get ur genitals out of a bear trap

i go by this billboard daily whose got some overgrowth in front of it and so the only thing u can see is the top which says “imagine a job”

ten year old got an ipad for her birthday and it’s going as well as expected

shooting some pictures for marketing rn and it’s taking all my energy to not pull a billy ripken rn

my favorite author is warren peace and my hobbies include when weather patterns look like penises on the news

fell asleep and some asshole stole the teeth under my pillow

they painted a little picture of a puppy on it so u always get to see a dog

the top row of the soda machine at work has 4 different lanes whose drinks didn’t vend properly and the bottles are leaning against the glass and well..i just really appreciate the optimism of person 2 am cautious of the optimism of person 3 and prolly going to check camera footage and fire person 4

these are my dogs steven and jason and my son asstopher