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i imagine all sorts of things that don't exist were unaffected by recent xbox layoffs

every parent I’ve ever seen talk about their kids going no contact has seemed like someone I also would never want to come into contact with

I think if either of my kids wanted to never speak to me again, rather than blaming a “new therapy trend” I’d be carefully examining everything I ever did that might have led to it, which itself sort of encapsulates why I don’t anticipate my kids wanting to never speak to me again

I mean call me crazy but I sort of suspect the parents might have something to do with it

describing the philosophy this accurately may have undermined my sarcasm; I probably should’ve heightened it for comedic effect

democrats don’t *make* bad decisions, they just make decisions their voters are obliged to either rationalize or ignore because nothing helps republicans more than expecting better from their opposition

I suspect even if it happens late at night it would be difficult to sleep through the sound of people celebrating in the streets

are they gonna bring a little pillow to place his urn on or something

look at my puppety boys

i've not been to the movies in roughly seven years but i will be going to this

“the best way for democrats to beat republicans is to run republicans” - republicans

i don't want to do favors for fascists, which is why i would prefer an actual opposition party to zero-sugar fascism also republicans will say all the same ridiculous things republicans say of every democrat candidate (but you already know that)

gonna get myself a special treat afterward to celebrate not voting for john fucking fetterman

hope democrats sort this out by 2028 because you could put a gun to my head on election day and i'd write in the person holding the gun before pulling the lever for this lumbering mound of shit

well this is certainly some fucking bullshit

centipede will be ten times the movie millipede is 😀

sticking my hand into an open flame because god would never put me on a planet where fire will harm me

Google users can unlock accounts with drops of blood fed into Hungry Little Mouth all internet-capable devices sprouted overnight

my decision to put bread in the toaster could create toast

i also believe deliberately attempting to make a thing happen could result in that thing happening am i an analyst