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my audience expects no less

working on another optimistic, uplifting look at the current state of the world, as is my wont

"This is just to say" -- the blockbuster movie about friendship, betrayal, hunger, and cold, delicious plums

nations collapse slowly and then all at once

my invisible penguin friend

since there are some obtuse people out there: I'm talking about things like death threats against public officials, capiche? do it in my mentions and I'll zap you, nobody needs that shit right now.

If I got up and started shouting at the entire plane that is absolutely what they would do to me

flight attendants should restrain them and gag them for the duration of the flight

these people should be taken off the plane in handcuffs

a gentle reminder that your posts are public and you should not post things that will lead to a knock on your door.

stephen miller killed this couple, as surely as if he'd pulled the trigger himself

Why I Bit You Mid-Pet 1. Too much affection. 2. Too little affection. 3. You moved your hand. 4. I was done. You weren't. 5. I was testing your reflexes. 6. You were petting in the wrong direction. 7. I remembered something you did in 2025. 8. Doesn't matter why. I make the rules. 9. I'm a cat.

Man there's a long list of people I wish I did not have to think about on a daily basis

who can forget that classic tv show "pinky's playhouse" with cowboy kirk, the king of cartons, and the rest of the wacky gang

learned via a seth myers bit that trump is out there saying ossoff looks like "pinky herman"

jesus, sorry man

One nice thing about the Cybertruck is that there’s never a question about who gets it in the divorce

so much of all our lives, just wasted, because enough dumbfucks thought it would be a terrific idea to put the adjudicated rapist and convicted felon who tried to overthrow the government back in power.

what an absolute fucking shitshow of a decade. imagine if all this energy had been put to good, rather than evil.

Trump desperately did not want to be blamed for covid and initially chose the "ignore and it will go away" option, and those of us outside the cult remember how well that worked out. Also trump was anti-mask because masks would smear his orange makeup, I will die on this hill.