Профиль

My boyfriend has 1,112 pictures of his 2 cats on his phone and I am so obsessed with his infinite perfection.

Shhhh no no shhhh no pronouns, I will never think or speak of you. I promise.

Gonna get me some posters of JD Vance to sahara up my vagisphere.

real question ... are all republican men all wearing foundation or just the ones in government?

what if you improve the education system just enough for potential school shooters to be able to locate congress on a map.

I did not realize how peculiar suck my dick is as an insult until the moment I had explain it to chinese teenager.

mandarins get a name but fuck you orange things.

I put 'doggie doorman' under occupation on my daughter's high school paperwork and now it is listed that way in the handbook given to every parent.

Afroman ran for president and nobody told us, which is bullshit.

astronauts do the least work on this planet, it seems unfair that they get air conditioned pants but not roofers.

NASA gets no trips to Mars until we get some air conditioned pants.

The root cause of aging is making sex noises when you lean over to pick something up.

The sexy thing I do is shut the fuck up. Not here though, sorry guys.

I see your over vigorous use of the stapler and I raise you grunting like a tennis player each time I print.

While not being opposed to being called Dick, Richard is does not enjoy being called Rick-hard.

Most tweets are one sentence too long. This one is a good example.

so are these called tweets or no

what do I do... like my slave job or voluntarily?

Nothing makes my day like seeing a couple screaming at each other next to a crashed tandem bike.

Albatross, they are incredibly understanding and make excellent pilots.