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Item That's Always Half Off At CVS Not Eligible For Coupon Because It's On Sale For Half Off

On The Next "Real Cooking Show", RFK Jr Sautés Raccoon Penis As A Cheap Alternative To Beef

Jonas Salk Hologram To Be Prosecuted By People Who Didn't Get Polio

New Study Shows AI Robots Trained On Human Data Becoming Increasingly Distant, Unmotivated, And Undeserving Of Love. Given The Opportunity To Wipe Out Humanity, Most Just Wouldn't Be Up For It Right Now.

Pope Leo Amends Canon Law. "Jesus died for your sins, but not the masturbation ones. That's on you."

A Statement Released From Mitch McConnell Reads: "I'm sorry I won't be able to attend the Fancy Farm Picnic in Kentucky this weekend because I am dead, deceased, in the ground, ex senator, rigor tortoise, down gavel, home in a box, primaried, checked out, deleted, error 404'd, toes up, out of office

War Pauses Monday Mornings For Stock Market Rally/Hydration Break

Woman With Awesome Health Insurance Recuperating From Surgery In Her Car

Man Who Didn't Like "The Odyssey" Subjected To Humiliation By Family And Friends

Americans Thankful Soccer Only Played Every 4 Years

Cyclospora Outbreak Linked To Voter Fraud

Flourished Welcome Mat Not Sincere

DNC Compiling Backup List Of Mainers Who Own A Nice Shirt, Just In Case

Pete Hegseth Orders Tighter Uniforms For America's Soldiers. "The objective is to intimidate the enemy with our taut warriors"

Trump Signs VP's Baby Card "See you in 12 years" Before Disgustingly Finding Out It's Not A Girl

Pete Hegseth To Investigate WWI Soldier Suspected Of Reading For Pleasure

Buff Guy Borrows Dog To Walk Around Neighborhood

GOP Proposes Charging Canada For Air From America

Mitch McConnell Hanging On. Refuses To Be Replaced This Close To An Election.

Disgruntled Employee Yells "doughnuts in the break room!" Right Before Microwaving Broccoli And A Trout