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why would someone invent a bug that screams when you relocate it and also why did they put one in my basement

Dear Apple, Please allow Shortcuts to have an automation for force-closing apps. Signed, me in the grocery store wondering where the faint sound of Bad Bunny is coming from (my pocket as Spotify continues playing after disconnecting from CarPlay)

Hypothesis: New Englander’s love of year-round iced coffee comes from their ice cream consumption habit, which is the highest of any region in the world per capita

camping allows me to contemplate life’s many questions, such as: - why did i bring 4 years worth of firewood? - should I go blonde again to match my son, Hoagie? - why don’t I eat pizza every day?

it’s the best time of the year here in Maine

I was so excited to find a Hest pad in REI resupply for nearly $200 off. Then I started packing my car for camping just now. Friends, this is a Toyota 4Runner.

having arthritis is so annoying because wym my body is doing meteorology for free

HOAGIE ROLL has joined the party. Inventory: 1x chew toy. TUTORIAL TIP: Press X to fetch. Hoagie has disabled this control.

“Measure twice cut once” means nothing if you measure it wrong in the first place

I think I’m far enough in my engineering career now where I can tell people what really got me into computers: playing GTA on PC with my dad (27) while I (5) was allowed to hit ‘tab’, which made the guy burp or fart. and since then I wanted to figure out how you could make a keyboard key do that

why is it that every time I go to a pharmacy there are 20 people in front of me in line and it’s all their first time at a pharmacy or perhaps their first time on planet earth

Name that vessel

my advertisement for adopt not shop. dog from trash that i trained for 5 minutes: well behaved and listens dog from award winning lineage that i trained for 2 years: complete jackass

lore update i’m in bed on my phone

who else a dewalt girlie

when people come to Maine all they want are lobster rolls, whoopie pies, and blueberries. you are all missing out on the true Maine delicacy: maple horseradish mustard.

“no spoilers for the odyssey” ok bro you had 2800 years to read it

i was so inspired by @matt.evil.gay just vibing on stream.place that i think i’ll go live this weekend so everyone can watch me yell at my dog to stop eating flowers and liquid ant bait

talking to people in the US this week like “how’s the air quality and diarrhea over there”