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If McConnell replies, it will sound something like this: “OOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH MCCONNEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! OOOOOOOOOOOOH AAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Fapping to porn keeps you young.

This is where I walk by her on the way to the toilet, holding my mouth and muttering what she might interpret as “Ebola” and then cough some pre-chewed yellow gummy bears on her.

“We just found out between Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump, all of it had been transferred to Washington. Pretty low on organs, too.”

They also ate Karens, which is why Karens were thought to have been extinct until their recent surge in population.

I’ve got a joke. Knock knock. Who’s there? Sleepy Joe Biden. Sleepy Joe Biden Who? It says here to make a snoring sound. Who the hell writes this stuff? I thought it was pretty funny though. Tee hee hee!

We should start telling people on the right that vaccines cause enormous erections. After that, sit back and enjoy the show.

Doctor: I feel this is important, so I’m just going to come out and say it: Dead people shouldn’t be in the senate.

Arrest dat ass.

Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot… the true legends of genocide.

Except she never seems to find that spine when Trump is on her show.

“The retelling of ‘Project Hail Mary’ is historically inaccurate. Here are 15 reasons why.” - Dweeb

It was the worst of times. It was indeed the worst of times.

No. Only spews it out.

Those darned facts.

Who could’ve guessed that tax breaks for the rich would be so unpopular?

For starters, a 300-foot samurai sword was never found.

More like a tornado.

Billionaires say everything is better now.

Consumer spending is up? Wow. I wonder why?