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What’s your Lizard Brain Band? You know, the one you know is awful but it just scratches some weird primal itch? Mine’s the Misfits.

I feel like we ought to frame this. This is literally the argument. Are we better off now than when you attained power? No? Then sit the fuck down.

Kay gives off the look of a man with a monstrous hangover who has to explain a terrible mistake to his wife.

I love Kay’s ability to get out of jams. I just wish it came without his ability to get into jams.

Kalshi and Mourinho really are the perfect match—like gonorrhea and that guy you hated in high school.

What the fuck is on Landon Donovan’s head?

Amazing work for someone who's never a.) made anything, or b.) run a profitable business.

Sitting in the podiatrist’s waiting room, watching a sitcom starring Alfonso Ribiero and LL Cool J. Which, you know, feels like a fever dream or the answer to a Mad Lib.

OK--I can die happy now.

Poor Mash. It's not his fault.