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Nic Cage is definitely going to make a Netflix movie about this

When ordering Chinese takeout from a new place you have to start with General Tso’s. That’s the barometer. If they clear that hurdle then we can begin to unlock other parts of the menu

There’s a not small contingent of conservatives that believe demons are real and can possess people. They think folks that disagree with them worship the devil. But sure, try to meet these obviously psychotic dimwits halfway

When cops shoot somebody it takes years for the bodycam footage to be released but Tony Romo gets a DUI over the weekend and we have 17 hours of him stumbling around after a traffic stop

Her name is Epona and I feed her carrots to get her to run fast

This team is so stupid. Thank god the angels are stupider

This is easy to make fun of but it’s going to make a mint. I was staying at a long term hotel suite in CS on a job and would sublet it on gameday weekends for however much I wanted. There’s not enough lodging in the County for the amount of people that show up

Thought I bought an expensive candy bar because I’m a slut for salted caramel and chocolate, turns out I was fighting against deforestation and modern day slave labor

I think the Astros have too many Italian players. They spend all day talking with their hands and by game time they’re tired

The thrill of saving a draft post that you think is hilarious when you’re crossfaded into oblivion only to login the next day wondering what the fuck you were talking about

Pouring a bag of peanut m&ms into the trail mix because I didn’t like the berries to nuts ratio

The Bear Carmy: That's Fire, ChefALT: The Bear Carmy: That's Fire, Chefstatic.klipy.com

Trying to imagine a way he keeps his job and I got nothing. And now we’re past the draft and about to hit the trade deadline with a GM that won’t be offered a contract after the season. Calamitous

Dana really had the worst free agent pitching signings in recent memory

Jimothy is on the Roku home screen. We live in a meme economy

I’ve had to throw away 3 different items in the last 2 weeks because of recalls. And that’s just shit they voluntarily recalled. Who knows what else is in the food supply chain

Fuck (and I can’t stress this enough) this bullshit

It’s so hot in Vegas that the planes can’t fly. That seems ominous

I thought dumb reply guys that pretend to be smarter than they actually are was a twitter thing but no it’s pervasive across several platforms

Pretty much. The history of ESPN should be taught in classrooms as the text book definition of what late stage capitalism looks like

Yes, they absolutely are. When you’re sports-brained you believe you’re smarter than everyone else so you’re betting on yourself. I’m not guessing, I’ve been there