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Daughter: Why is the front of your legs all scars? Me:

Goomba and Dave (Former FBI) are now good friends and have now dug into my birthday bottle of Saki. I'm keeping myself occupied by trying to play Can't You Hear Me Knockin' on the guitar, but keep drifting into Unchained by Van Halen because they're not that different and I've had too much rum.

Goomba and I were out on a walk/talk and a neighbor was headed the same direction. He was the same age (69) and recognized Goomba... by name. Former FBI agent assigned to the organized crime task force. They're still out in the front yard talking in low voices. It's like watching old sports rivals.

Hot Take: Bleu Cheese Dressing is an acceptable dipping sauce for chicken nuggets.

I've actually left a few

I once argued with a priest about being an atheist. He said I'm like a blindfolded man in a dark room looking for a black car that doesn't exist. I said we were similar. He was also like a blindfolded man in a dark room looking for a black cat that doesn't exist. The only difference is he found it

Me: I should probably drink something non-alcoholic. Goomba: How long have you been drinking? Me: Since Wednesday. Goomba: It is Wednesday. Me: That's why I should probably drink something non-alcoholic.

Nothing like getting your stump ground out by the road for everyone to see.

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Goomba is bringing his buddies from the Patriarcha family over later for a card game. I'm making Sunday gravy on a Wednesday because they might know some things and also because I like to hear old greaseballs tell me I cook like their mothers. Garlic Parmesan wings are also on the menu.

I hope so.

I went to a funeral as a child and when they were lowering the casket into the ground, the priest said "To the father, the son and to the Holy Ghost." I didn't hear him correctly and for years I prayed saying "To the father, the son, into the hole he goes."

Thinking about opening a shoe store called Our Soles.

An Irishman is walking into a pub and a nun standing out front yells "You should be ashamed going into a house of sin, what would your mudder and fadder tink?" The man says, "They're dead, they're in heaven." The nun says "Well, you should tink about the damage it's causing to your health."