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Oh, I see the problem. When he said Release the Epstein Files and No New Wars, he meant No New Epstein Files and Release the Wars. Honest mistake.

The Supreme Court just overturned Donald Trump's dumb tariffs by a 6-3 margin. Ketchup bottles everywhere are terrified.

Palm Beach International airport will be re-named for Donald Trump, costing taxpayers an estimated 5.5 million dollars. But it makes sense. Palm Beach International has limited capacity, is a relic of the past with terrible views, and it traffics children.

Hey Pam Bondi: the Dow dropped below 50,000. So NOW can we care about children being raped?

Kid Rock’s segregation extravaganza for losers didn’t even get half the viewership of the Puppy Bowl, despite both starring illiterate animals who shit themselves in public.

Hey, what country is Puerto Rico in? Asking for a bunch of fucking idiots.

With friends like these, we need better friends.

Since Donald Trump became president, the dollar has lost a whopping 9% of its value. But that is just the price we have to pay for the privilege of being led by a narcissistic war-mongering pedophile.

I shouldn’t make fun of Kid Rock. Who else could sing authentically about growing up in the rural woods of the inner city in confederate Detroit?

But his emails.

They’ve redacted a lot of what they’ve released. They haven’t released everything they have. And I’m sure there are things that happened they don’t even know about. As bad as what we’ve seen is, the full truth is somehow worse.

“We can’t know if these verified emails are real,” says the same guy who believed Wayfair shipped kids inside coffee tables and an office pizza order was code for child sex-trafficking.

“Melania” is on pace to lose about 50 million dollars. WOW! That’s like $20 for each time Donald Trump is named in the Epstein Files.

The Trump regime just arrested journalists Georgia Fort and Don Lemon. The free speech bros must be so angry! Unless the free speech bros were lying and only ever cared about themselves…

What’s the difference between “Melania” and Bigfoot? Many people admit to seeing Bigfoot.

The Melania movie premiere didn’t even earn back 5% of its marketing budget. Melania hasn’t had an opening for something this little and underwhelming since she got her green card.