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That mixed feeling when you see that the President of the United States spent literally half of his workday posting crazy batshit on social media and you're compelled to post your cringe over it ... online ... yeah ... look I got to get back to work.

Reality might be weird right now, but I must admit, "What if we tested an unproven drug with extreme side effects on a cartoon-villain who is also U.S. president?" is a most excellent premise.

The Love Shack stopped being a little-known place, got some revenue and hasn’t been the same since. Shack doesn’t even shimmy anymore; they insulated the walls.

Her: So you're French? Me: Bien sur. Her: Oh, I love French culture. Me: Perhaps you have heard of my favorite group of French novelists, Les G'ma? Her: No, Les G'ma? Tell me more. Me: But of course, Les G'ma Balzac.

The only solace I have is that what my scale is telling me is physiologically impossible.

Every one of my posts.

My Twitter feed right now is 95% CatFu and Afroman videos, with the rest dedicated to Markwayne Mullin being roasted like a kalua pig by Rand Paul, so wins on the internet today. Big thanks to everyone involved.

False alarm: America’s healthcare ships are all broken down.

Trump’s sending a U.S. Navy hospital boat to Greenland to win them over with U.S. government-funded free healthcare, like we’re Denmark or something.

The Beatles: Shine on you crazy diamond. Diamond: You did NOT just call me crazy. YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME CRAZY!!! [Smashes tiny fist into jewelry store window.]

Overshadowed as he is by his iconic drummer, I don’t think Dr. Teeth gets enough credit as one of rock’s best band leaders.

Saddest words in the English language: “Time to put on my pants.”

My right-wing auntie was bitten by a raccoon. Now she’s a rabid anti-vaxxer.

“Soulmates.” Oh dear. I thought you said “swordmates.” Embarrassing. In that case …. no.

Mounjaro works by turning all your excess weight into farts.

Remember that time when you accidentally overlooked 1,000,000 documents about a notorious rich-guy pedophile ring that also were the ones demanded for years by the public and Congress and then accidentally found them right before Christmas? And also you're the Justice Department? Haha. Embarrassing.

We need another female soda pop. Not every woman can be a Dr.