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If I were dating in 2026 my first words would be "Obama Obama Hilary Biden Harris"

I can't see everyone's workplace but mine is less connected, less energized, less fun, less motivated than it was just 2 years ago. It seems ppl aren't passionate about a job if it feels like it's just fueling a broken corrupt ignorant society where Trump is the godhead.

Every time I open a can of beans for the kids I point to the bacon chunk and yell "it's the queen!" They don't laugh but I know they'll do it to their own kids someday.

the quiet part is actually really important and underrated

If you want to make a writer feel good, ask them for a 30 second pitch of their current "fun" project idea. Then no matter what it is, say these words: "I'd love to read that someday." If they keep talking, cool. If not, you still made their day.

You know what feels good? Losing weight.

my archetype for being a dad. patient, slow, helpful, quiet, strong.

I'm proud of you.

I didn't like the movie where Pikachu got Pikacheukemia.

I love that Tubi has 4 minute commercial breaks. The kids get up and do other stuff while they wait, just like I used to in the old days. It's actually perfect.

Happy Friday to any clinically braindead senators hooked to lung pumps for political reasons.

Coworkers quietly segregate into which kind of parenting stage they're in, if any.

*GOP staffers nervously dumping a rolled up carpet into a volcano* "It's not McConnell if that's what you're thinking!!"

At midnight you're one of the humans farthest from the sun.

Remember when you deprived yourself of that one person as a kind of emotional hunger strike but you didn't starve? You actually thrived?

Bruh your kid ain't gonna be a professional soccer player just chill. Your sideline yelling is making everybody uncomfortable.

You can see the numbing of culture in the way the stock market freaks out the first time Trump does a new horrible thing, then less the second time he does the same thing, and by the fifth time, it doesn't even blip.

Roses are red, Trump's hands are blue, Lindsey Graham is dead and Mitch is too.

Mitch McConnell, Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi just straight up disappeared without any consequences.

I enjoy the illusion that the AI companies have a dangerous version of their tools but the military and other countries have not offered to buy it. It's not plausible that they are simply withholding that technology from all the bad actors with bottomless pockets.