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Drug overdoses are more common today than in the 70's because in the 70's everyone was cooler than you.

Some people always assume the worst. This is a service I provide.

Refreshing to get a job rejection after six interviews when they'd just scheduled the seventh interview rather than getting the HR auto/reject email right away.

I was never good at painting birds before I got the paintball gun.

We should all heed the lessons of Plato's Cave, that living in a cave would be far more fun if there was a shadow puppet show.

A wolf that under the full moon transforms into a slightly sleepier wolf.

when someone tries to force you to pick a side, first ask yourself why there is a side.

Amazing fact: In Nirvana's 1991 smash hit "Smells Like Teen Spirit" you can hear lead singer Kurt Cobain sing the words "I'm worse at what I do best And for this gift, I feel blessed" This is significant because those are the song's lyrics.

This is my dream job (it's putting me to sleep).

Don't worry this will all work out for a very small percentage of us.

Consider this. No, this. Right there. To your left. YOUR OTHER LEFT! Just forget it.

I'd say "Don't worry your pretty little head." but there's no sense lying to you three times in a row.

"The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life." is one of my favorite quotes and it makes me SO MAD that it's from a Tom Cruise movie.

In order to not watch Dune Part 3 will it be helpful that I also didn't watch the first two?

I don't know what game you're trying to play (I'm a terrible referee).

Find someone who is embarrassed for you not embarrassed of you.

One needs no validation who is able to find their own free parking.

Bout ready to end it all and tell her to calm down.

I like to think Wile E Coyote knows Acme products will fail but they're the only company that will issue a coyote a credit card.