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Missy doing her training for ‘Longest Cat 2026’.

Life is not fair. Spider monkeys but not Monkey spiders? …….. …… ….. Actually, never mind. We cool, nature.

A ‘gift’ to me was that my mum kept a bunch of my old school reports (she’s not dead, just tidying up) and now I want to look up my old R.E. teacher and remind them about ‘DO NOT JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED YOURSELF’.

If your *entire* Facebook account output is reposting other people’s stuff then Fine, but don’t call yourself a ‘Content Creator’. I suppose <legally> you could call yourself a content *curator*.

I dislike the term ‘high explosives’, when people are high they’re usually pretty mellow, unlike gelignite, although in fairness both can be quite sweaty.

Quote with a ridiculous movie you think people should watch.

I’m not scared of swearing, and when appropriate and fitting, I can and *will* swear, but nothing make me swear more than reading ‘TRAINER used a FULL RESTORE!’ after I’ve chipped a flying metal pangolin down to 1 atom’s width of health gauge and my atomic duck’s only got 2 atoms’ width left as well

Next time someone asks you for a dick pic, send this.

On a first date and the other person says ‘Well you don’t look anything like your profile picture’ then you have two possible answers: 1) Well it’s 15 years old (honest) 2) When I had this picture taken my face reflected bright anticipation and optimism for my potential dates but now, here YOU are.

Most people don’t accessorise their travel luggage to match with a Vax wet/dry vacuum but I’m not “most people”.

A handjob off an Amsterdam prostitute is so passé, mate. You need to expand your trouser horizons.

Just don’t ask if she wants ‘a load of “hot” protein yogurt’. Not on the first date.

When you go on the continent they have so many more interesting flavours of crisps. I wish Lays would do an LSD flavour version with a picture of Jimi Hendrix on the bag, they could just be called ‘Purple’ flavour.

We have a new pair of juvenile chicks (one is obviously camera shy) who for variety are ‘Hedgerow Partidge Leghorn’ style. As the colour scheme looked ‘a bit burnt’ to me, this one is now named ‘Toast’, so the Mrs called the other one ‘Beans’ and not ‘Ray bloody Purchase’ much to my chagrin.

I do make it a ‘thing’ of mine to ruin, despoil and otherwise destroy the innocence of beloved childhood characters from TV and film but ‘Fern Gully’ is just too easy to even start with.

I can’t in all honesty ‘revel’ in *anything* because Revels have coffee and peanut randoms in the overall centre mix, so ‘to revel’ in something for me would be to experience disappointment and disgust 1 out of every 3 times.

Morarty had a little plan And Holmes would have to foil it When Holmes did thwart his evil scheme He’d lock him in the toilet.

Gaz down the pub: ‘School was a complete waste of time. They didn’t teach me ANNYFING!’. Me: ‘No, Gaz, you didn’t *LEARN* anything. Big difference. For example, I’ve seen your idea of maximal coverage of tessalation, whereas *mine* is…” (chef’s kiss).

Some bananas 90s comedy nonsense from Victor Lewis-Smith www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...

Victor Lewis-Smith - Tested On Humans For Irritancy (Full Album) - YouTubeThe full album for Tested On Humans For Irritancy / Music by Victor Lewis-Smith playlist Victor Lewis-Smith - Tested On Humans For Irritancy / Victor Lewis-S...www.youtube.com

Got the cosplay ‘Guardian from Stray’ mask back for maintenance from my daughter. A few hastily glued wires came loose but it’s right as rain now.

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