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Pretty pleased with my first day as Zack Polanski’s PR adviser.

Senator Mitch McConnell seen leaving hospital in an Uber.

Ministry of Silly Cunts.

Thrilled to announce my new business recruiting uninformed idiots for vox pops on TV news programmes.

I don’t miss Twitter at all since I bought a megaphone and started shouting abuse at random strangers from the roof of my house.

I can’t wait to hear what Robert Jenrick thinks about today’s events so that I can think the exact opposite.

Someone at the BBC hasn’t done the background research.

Spare a thought for the many political commentators standing outside Number 10 all day shouting questions at politicians and endlessly speculating like motherfuckers.

Big changes ahead in government today as people nobody has heard of are replaced with people no one has heard of.

“Why Andy Burnham is already Britain’s worst ever prime minister”. Exclusively in tomorrow’s Daily Mail, Daily Telegraph, Daily Express, Times, Sun etc etc etc

That’s a pretty hot take from Nosferatu, Lord of the Undead.

Maybe someone should be keeping an eye on the Falkland Islands.

Still milking it.

Mitch McConnell is currently making a statement on the death of Lindsey Graham

Looks like Nigel has been under surveillance for quite some time.

This looks like a scene from a wacky comedy about four regular guys who through a series of hilarious accidents become the utterly inept leaders of the American government. Actually it’s a documentary.

You just know Trump is going to get involved and send JD Vance to Clacton. There’s probably a big DFS somewhere nearby.

Farage disappointed to hear that he must take the Chiltern Hundreds, as he’d far prefer to take the Chiltern Millions.

“National Crime Agency on the blower, Nige”

New rhyming slang.