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ah whoops, i fully forgot to take my meds entirely today

also they changed the flight path or something because this year the fuckers are DIRECTLY ABOVE ME and every time they do a pass, my migraine makes my eyes go blurry and i feel like i’m gonna yak

calling him woke while also tacitly admitting he did a transphobia is so so so funny

“he uses the word ‘servant’ instead of ‘slave’” girl. yes. for a myriad of reasons. but also, YOU use the word slave because you chose to write your translation in iambic and you can’t convince me that’s not a driving reason you use it singularly

going 2 order too much teriyaki so i have food to eat week

just watched the tony romo bodycam footage. the dude seems like a PLEASURE to arrest

i forgot to attach the photo lmao

i only have one best friend who i wish would pretend i never had sex and he never keeps his promise

i’d still hit

sorry, but that is a melted john goodman

there was a period like 10 years ago where matt damon looked like a middle aged lesbian math teacher and i wanna say… he came out of that BEAUTIFULLY

“my online domme lives in isreal”

we just walked a river of eggnog as a mother sauce that got me to say “eggnog is basically a zabaglione” and i think no one should let me talk ever again

his dick? bro, the way he has wise eyes. athena’s eyes.

it takes vampires 400 years to achieve this level of melancholy

bro, don’t even worry about her, bro. she never even noticed you like i do big dog. did she ever even TELL you you had athena’s eyes?

bartender is unloading the deliveries for today and she just put this next to me and said, “happy birthdaaaay” lmao

girl, a lobster is a bug

the exploitation of animals is not what it means to love animals

can we please stop doing this dumbass bullshit to fucking animals. you already terrorized a hippo. you made that poor cat go to fucking comic cons. i hate this shit. i hate this heckin pupper nonsense and what it has wrought. it’s all animal cruelty, sorry.