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I am going to uninstall Bluesky for now. I need a break from social media. I will keep telegram and discord, however, and people are free to reach out to me on there. My telegram is fussypupypaws and my discord is fussypupy. Feel free to reach out to me on those, but please be patient with replies

one of many things I mentioned in therapy is that I feel very lonely, which is something that is new to me, & Bliz's loss has made me acutely aware of it. I love the furry fandom, but I feel isolated from a lot of people. It's hard to not conclude that it's because I am AFAB & not a gay man

i am so so glad I am going to therapy. My therapist is helping a bunch I think. We were going through the sui**de prevention work sheet and going through things to help. A big break through we had was him mentioning the website Bliz used to help them leave this world & how I had the link.

therapy today. very glad i started this when I did because I like... knew logically that things would get worse but I really didn't know just how worse it would get and how much I would need it

getting my ass kicked by work tonight and I just don't have my usual resilience and optimism to help me through it

Just read a message from Bliz's mom asking me and trying to make sense of what triggered Bliz to leave us and I don't know what to tell her because I do genuinely believe that I was a pushing point for Bliz because I was losing my mind & was full of hopelessness right before they died

thinking of deleting all of my socials. it's just depressing me.

my calendar is full of petsitting and I am not looking forward to it. I suppose I could cancel them, but all of these have been planned since January, and I don't want to make my people look for someone else. I think I might stop petsitting after this summer though...

i am trying to stay alive and it is really hard.

crying because the only way I can ever see Bliz again is through my dreams. I am glad they visit sometimes, but fuck do I miss them so much and it has only been a little more than 2 months

got to see Bliz in my dreams this morning. I immediately expressed feeling so happy to see them and gave them a hug immediately. It was short lived, but it was lovely... thanks for visiting again my sweet pet