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Nobody in the office knows I’m sitting here scrolling through your nudes

Ok I’m caught up with the Sewing Bee so you can talk about it now

You know if you post screenshots of private messages it just makes me think I should never ever message you

Does everyone have the ingredients for the traditional solar eclipse trifle ready for next Wednesday?

1 like = 1 nude

Out in town I just spotted the woman from a job 15 years ago who reported me for bullying. Quick swerve into Wilko to avoid.

The work experience boy turned up at the office and left his phone playing some terrible music out loud on his desk 🧐

What do you mean, the next one?? Fuck off

Sorry I’m really tired. You’ll have to do all the work

At least with all these lock screens I can work out roughly where in the world you are (Portugal is an issue)

I informed you thusly

Someone outside the office is playing awful music really loudly from their car. It’s never anything decent is it. No Dolly Parton, no Kiki Dee

Quality of the dads in Exeter city centre today: 6/10

Some PSYCHOPATH has used up the blackcurrant and apple squash at work and replaced it with plain blackcurrant. INSANE behaviour

I just freaked someone out by eating my kiwi fruit with the skin on

I thought I’d see how long it would take to get to the Taskmaster filming location for “get three balls on the yoga mat at the top of that hill” but I think the last bit would make me dizzy

May I enter you?

I’ve had no interactions with Lambeth Council but I still want mildly irritating things to happen to them 🤷‍♂️

I just smeared my special sauce all over my meat. So good.

Just nipped round to the parents to do an auto channel scan on the Freeview box and remove GB News