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I complimented a man on his cologne, he brought up his girlfriend lol You flatter yourself. I am merely encouraging the correct amount of scent to the young people.

My left gluteus maximus has a cramp and it's affecting my entire life. No idea how I got it, just showed up. We use these bitches for everything and balance

If we had a Trek/MCU type multiverse, what do you think the other yous are doing? Or, what moment do you realize was pivotal in you taking the path you did and what other paths were there?

Nevermind, not sharing that

I used to supply the sound effects when my group of friends would play Transformers or Star Wars. I always got to be Luke b/c I had a green lightsaber.

Used to go skinny dipping with the neighbor kids growing up. Daily. We had a farm pond with brown water. Never thought anything of it Never saw anything The pond ecology is stable now and the water is clear.

I learned how to shoot and care for a shotgun for my 7th birthday. My dad gave me his old 410. I later understood why my dad got so mad over the NRA not letting him rescind the lifetime membership he once bought. My dad has some very liberal ideas but doesn't realize it. He votes with farmers...

My grandparents gave me a dog skull with a spring on the jaw so you could open and close it. It went with me everywhere for a summer and I'd talk to it. -I realize now how this must have looked- *I'm not sure I wasn't communing with something*

Squirrel used to be one of my favourite meals

If I start alliterating on accident and notice, it becomes on purpose. Must have 3 sounds before I'm allowed to go crazy.

Uh, past Dart did some work that present Dart doesn't remember doing and it cuts the work he has to do in half. Thanks Past Dart!

Rule of Three Lindsey Mitch ????

I want hombre fingers Oh, you're evil so your fingers are changing? Rad

I had to implement a new policy of "if you don't close the garage door after you use it, your access is restricted to when I can babysit you." I added a red sign ON THE BUTTON PANEL. Finally, people are actually closing the damn doors.

The moment you remember why you don't see a lot of older gay couples and it infuriates you.

Gen Z They're not tolerating bullshit and they're already doing something about it

I love this sentence so much for its possibilities

I'm not making this up... Generalized anxiety disorder Uncanny valley Bioenergy Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor Baked

When it happens, will they have him Lay in State? So the public can "grieve" properly. Will his grave be on publicly accessible land? I just have a week's vacation still and I'm thinking of plans