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Attack of the Killer Tomatoes X Iron Lung

!!!!! My family’s home growing up had a bunch of persimmon trees in the backyard! They were beautiful. Ah, the summer joy of running around barefoot, occasionally slipping on a persimmon and falling on my butt.

Omg YOU MADE IT BIG

No professional accomplishment has ever made me happier than this. theonion.com/translator-o...

Excuse me we call lefty THE FINISHER

Omg living the DREAM there I’m 5’3” so almost everyone is taller than me.

Well here I am

The weirdest part to me is that women are more likely to have “dips” if they are underweight. So they’re literally saying “we want a skinny girl. … No not like that.” What they actually want is for women to not be biological beings. I bet they want a woman who doesn’t fart, too.

The AG is good to go at last. What the heck, Microsoft.

Ah yes the depression phenomenon where you kinda maybe sorta want to be a little bit dead but also your client is panicking at 7:30AM because their log backups aren’t truncating the log files so you put on your Grudgingly Alive Pants and log on to do battle with a SQL availability group.

Where is my large blacksmith wife???

Wow, I got EVEN GAYER

And I suppose processed foods and regimented education is why Adderall calms me down, when remember to take the “highly addictive substance”, and my adult child can drink coffee and go to bed.

But I don’t want to be a doctor or a nurse in WWII. I suppose I could handle running an electronics store.

My favorite people are the ones around whom I can be the same person that I am when I’m alone. There are very few of them.

I’m a cryptid!

And then when asked to hush, I could say “No, this is my JOB, THE SHOW MUST GO ON!”

When my daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, I said pretty much the same thing, and the doctor gave me a look that clearly read I Cannot Legally Tell You A Thing I Now Know About You, Please Figure It Out.

Also works for Gilligan’s Island.

YESSSSS THE SHEEP CHEESE IS SUPERIOR