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my body watching me water my plants

Updates!! my monthly LA shows are today and tomorrow! - www.elysiantheater.com/shows/second... - events.leapevents.com/event/recogn... and i have a podcast i'm REALLY proud of! please subscribe!! - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/m... - www.youtube.com/@MillennialM...

Second Screens Comedy (The Vault) — The ElysianSecond Screens Comedy is a monthly stand-up showcase at The Vault. Watch some of the best stand-ups in Los Angeles, join the show group chat, eat candy, play interactive games with our hosts, and win...www.elysiantheater.com

they executed corey ruiz in broad daylight

i know almost every adult out there has gone through a breakup but they haven't gone through My Breakup™, which is objectively the most painful one of all time. please slap (me in the face)

can’t believe mitch mcconnell was on his way to hell and tripped lindsey graham on the way out

rest in piss lindsey graham, i bet you're in hell sucking off the devil as we speak

kenzie's so excited to leave so she can keep on exploring lmao

sincere only ever showing emotion over kc? and this is what we mean when we say some men only love and respect other men (homosocial)

nvm

melanie’s mom and sister had one job and they did the damn thing 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

nothing feels as good as giving your apartment an everything bath like yes girl, you deserve this

@shopifysupport.bsky.social give me my $399 back!!!

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oh you asked chatgpt? well i asked Trinity and she said “still you rise, i guess”

my mayor muslim my bagel jewish my christian dior ya girl’s in new york here through the 14th and trying to get as much of that ny life in as i can. hit me up for shows, podcasts, sketches, or just to hang. excited to enter mamdanistan 🗽

i love you, los angeles ♥️

you’ve heard of intermittent fasting? well let me introduce you to intermittent crashing out

god please take away all my shame, guilt, and anxiety, double it and give it to west wilson

okay then i will give you $4 if you let me lock you in a basement for a week

we should be able to vote people out of politics every election

the way i wish they’d release all possible permutations of the summer house reunion like taylor swift albums