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I cannot believe how hard this made me laugh. It’s fucking incredible.

Seriously though, next time AIPAC wants to just absolutely flush $32mil down the toilet, they could just text me and I’ll take care of it.

I saw there’s a new cut of the x-files movie, and that the original version came out in 2008 and then I was like wait, x-files was like 35 years ago, right? How were there not a bunch of spinoff series? (There were two spinoffs, and a couple of revival seasons that I forgot about!)

A Democrat might win the Michigan democratic primary. Here’s why that’s bad news for Joe Biden

Wait a minute, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a Whole Foods before. Wtf is this shit? They closed my Amazon Fresh (which fucking ruled and had sweet ass self scanning shopping carts!!) for this place? You can’t even get fake Whole Foods flavored saltines in here, this is insanity.

WHAT UP MOTHERFUCKAS, YA BOI JUST SET UP HIS RENT AUTOPAY FOR THE NEXT YEAR WITHOUT GETTING AN EVICTION NOTICE FIRST YEAHHHHHHH (lol, it went up like $55, that's not as bad as I feared)

It’s going to be pretty funny in like two weeks tops, when Blanche indicts Cornyn for some fake bullshit crime

As a rule I don’t really engage with strangers in almost any context, but I can tell you that the Whole Foods under construction near me just opened and I can’t wait to go in there and tell every person I see how I’ve been calling it “partial foods” for the last three months during construction.

Thinking today about A HOUSE OF DYNAMITE where the guy explains that since the intercept missiles only have a 60% success rate they launch two. There’s probably real world engineers who’ve been absolutely screaming about the math of that not working to every President since Nixon

I’m at a strange dunks and I’m not sure the group of four people in front of me in line or the person taking their order has ever heard of coffee or ordered anything or taken someone’s order at a fast food place before. They changed the order as the guy has bagged donuts three times.

1977: gamer HbA1C PC cringeworthy beam weapon

It’s pretty demoralizing to learn that someone as successful as Hank green needs The Computer to suck him off constantly lest he Feel Bad. How has he not deleted his bluesky account yet

I’m making my way back through the Spidermans to prep for Brand New Day, and man, I just remembered how the entire fucking movie theater GASPED at the big reveal in Homecoming. What spectacular filmmaking. And of course, the writers? The guys behind D&D: Honor Among Thieves. Fucking figures.

I kept meaning to watch Wonderman on Disney+ but I see they un-renewed season 2, because presumably they’re afraid that by 2032 or whenever it might have aired, it will be 100% illegal to have non white people in any media.

We’re like 18 hours away from the new kind of milkshake duck where LinkedIn is caught using the “ai slop” button to train its ai what people think ai slop looks like

One of the things about this moment in history that extremely sucks is that none of these fucking fascist assholes will ever face personal consequences. Like, the town of Emporia is going to have to pay out $4mil, but the commissioner and cops that violated the 1st amendment won’t owe anything.

The guy who was waiting in the haircut lobby and had me and another guy who checked in online go in front of him negotiated to pay for the second guy’s haircut to go before him. Amazing.

Could a depressed person do this? I went to my best client’s brewery and had one (1) beer, a saison called Project Artemis, and ordered fried chicken from the place next door, and listened to a local musician sing a bunch of decent 80s and 90s covers.

Oh sweet, Smodcastle in Atlantic Highlands, NJ is the movie theater Kevin Smith went to as a kid, that was going out of business so bought it and does cool shit like screen weird ass indies and hosts birthday parties for local kids

My appointment went okay, I had to laugh when she said I would probably go through a few models of pump before I qualify for Medicare and I was like, lol, there won’t still be Medicare in 16 years!! And I landed on the Mini Med Flex for my new insulin pump. Should start it in the next month or so.