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I don’t know what happened while my phone was in my pocket, but I *am* offended

It’s fine; it’s just I have no reason to live

Post a perfect album from the 90s (I’m only doing this to remind everyone how fucking good this album is)

Hot in herre but it’s just a song about how tired I am

I just can’t imagine wanting to be alive this badly

Relatable

Damn, scabs, why are you so itchy?

Huge day for the goats: the wind brought enormous willow branches down last night, which for them is like cheeseburgers falling from the sky

i don't like the underlying events causing it, but i do like that every news outlet has to use the phrase "explosive diarrhea" in their headlines

Nothing makes me feel more youthful than coughing and pulling a muscle in my lower back

Would love it if my news feed was less thinly veiled sponcon and more…things that are happening in the world

🚨 the feral cat in our yard had kittens and they are currently living behind our shed in a pile of old straw🚨

I wrote about the love of my life: The 2000 Sandra Bullock film, 28 Days open.substack.com/pub/askasobe...

Accidentally took this with portrait mode but oh man look at this beauty

I know how old and crotchety I sound but don’t make me scan a fucking QR code to look at a menu; I just want a piece of paper with a list of food and beverages. My having to say “wait let me switch back to the brunch menu oh shit my friend keeps texting me” is embarrassing for us both

MY KING

I’ll take “headlines that didn’t age well”for $200

I made a terrible, terrible mistake called a 9 am dentist’s appointment

Hey I have an idea, why don’t we let the voters decide what is or isn’t “too far left,” you actual losers

Some people have successful and fulfilling careers, some people find happiness through meaningful relationships with family and friends, and I have my Wordle streak