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CHARLOTTE, NC! Let's spread laughter and love on August 7th and 8th at Comedy Zone and whatnot. www.cltcomedyzone.com/events/125413

YOU TAKE THAT SHIT BACK RIGHT NOW AND WHATNOT!

Brown recluse is a bullshit name. Why you gotta judge a spider for not liking crowds? YOU DON'T KNOW THAT SPIDER'S LIFE!

The South African trust-fund billionaire wockaflocka brought in to gut our country's infrastructure, whose cuts to aid have already killed a half-million children, is now offering $100-million to make an all-white remake of a movie. This is all totally normal and whatnot.

Now that it has been released I am allowed to share my audition for The Odyssey. My manager says they thought I was too broad and whatnot.

Real talk. They don't care if he tears this place down to the studs, as long as he hunts brown people, demonizes queer people, and erases Black people.

Cyclospora was my favorite character in The Odyssey and whatnot.

I'll straight up hydrate during a snack break and snack during a hydration break. I really don't give a shit anymore. #WorldCup #Fifa #Snacks

What on Earth makes you think any the wockaflockas around him will suddenly grow backbones and whatnot? If they're still in at this point their asses are ALLLLL the way in. Shit's about to get Waffle House at 2am messy. It was cute to think it couldn't happen here and whatnot.

Can't believe all this shit still happened, even when that lady in Maine was expressing mild concern and whatnot. Her mild concern shoulda stopped all this shit in its tracks.

Does my ass need to point out this bullshit happened as the Pentagon asks for $350,000,000,000 to use the military against Americans?

Daaayummm. I guess the Blue Angels were first in line for those testosterone injections and whatnot.

Tonight's Presidential address is so D.O.A. its sister's being named to the Senate.

If y'all personally knew someone who refused to admit any loss, cheated at every poker night and drove his car around your pool you would cut his ass outta your life and whatnot.

Y'all, we just need the data centers to run on explosive diarrhea. Do I have to think of every damn thaaaang???!!!

All the stuff we were told was gonna end humanity, turns out it's just explosive diarrhea and whatnot.

SAINT LOUIS!!!! This coming weekend we got laughter for ya, and it's hands down the best medicine and whatnot. Tix at ---> Www.st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/events/136628

I'll straight up listen to elevator music in a house and house music in an elevator. I really don't give a shit anymore.

SAINT LOUIS!!!! This coming weekend we got laughter for ya, and it's hands down the best medicine and whatnot. Tix at ---> Www.st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/events/136628