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BREAKING: Four Lads In Jeans recruit a fifth member as Donald Trump is told he is to have no ballroom.

Shabana Mahmood staying in the Home Office, FOR FUCKITY'S SAKE.

Controversial perhaps, but I don't feel anything like as much anger towards Steve Bray as many people seem to. Sure, his interventions are mostly for the purpose of seeking attention and aren't at all amusing anymore as they were during Johnson's downfall, but come on now - they're not hate crimes.

Burnham gives himself no wiggle room there: an instruction to END rough sleeping. In this, he either succeeds or fails. Hopefully it's the former. It's certainly a bold statement.

Excellent. First of many cabinet ministers I hope.

Just as Morgan McSweeney's appointment was a terminal mistake for Keir Starmer, James Purnell will be for Andy Burnham. Christ sake.

This, as a headline, can fuck ENTIRELY off.

Things aren't looking ideal at the moment, so I'm calling for Andy Burnham to resign.

Silly old cunt.

Jesus tonight. He's finally publicly recognised what an unmitigated catastrofuck Brexit has been. All it took was an electoral drubbing. #StarmerSpeech

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Overwhelmed with second-hand embarrassment for Leo.

Bloody hell.

What a numpty.

I hope the likes of Isabellend Oakeshitt, Dick Tice and the rest of those ghouls remember the advice they'd give to refugees fleeing danger - go to the first safe country. Not here.

Who the fuck asked this deposit-losing weapon for her take?

Good.

By no stretch am I a staunch defender of Starmer nowadays, but good grief Sarwar has made himself look like such a blithering twat.

Weaker than a nun's piss, this Starmer fella. I'm not even just talking about allowing McSweeney & Allan to hang on for so long. I'm talking about his recent 'diplomatic' trip to China, where he clearly made no effort to secure the release of Jimmy Lai, who now has a 20yr sentence. Fucking useless.

Starmer still standing by McSweeney is just other-worldly levels of stupid. Geezer's fucked.