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omg what a dick

met a guy at work today named John Fruit IV which means there were 3 John Fruits before him and i find that absolutely fascinating.

what do you think the big halloween costume is going to be this year? i think maybe andrew tate being arrested in his brand new ann taylor loft outfit

the fuck this even mean?

doomsday trailer killed me don’t talk to me until december

Titanic: 👦👱👏🎫⛵⚓ 👩👒👨👜👝⛵⚓ 🎩👑👹👺 ✨🌟👩🌊👱💕 👩👱😀💃💑👯 🚬💰👨👮🌌🔫 👱👩💎🚪✏📒 👩👱💕💕🚙 👨👮🔫💵⌚ 🌊🌊😱😫😖🌊🌊 🚣🚣👧👶👧👶🚣🚣 👩🚪👱🌊🌊🙍💕😘😲😭🌊 👵💎🌊

make a musician/band’s name better. i’ll go first: Green Year

PSA: do not spend a few hundred on your hair at the salon the same day there’s a monsoon, tornado, flash flood, apocalypse warning in your area.

some stranger complimented my hair today and i was very grateful and said tysm! and then she leaned in and started touching it. it’s almost as bad as touching a pregnant women’s stomach. do not do this (looking at you, boomers)

it’s like my grandma always said: one man’s opinion is another man’s asshole.

tell me a prequel or sequel you’d like to see get made. i’ll go first: Snakes Checking Their Luggage.

your baseball pitcher name is your grandfather’s first name and the last thing you bought i’ll go first mine’s Dominic Sandals

POV: you’re eating in front of a pug

if i ran for president, my platform would just be “no new wars and no diarrhea”

not enough country songs about people heating up fish in the microwave at work.

someone just described someone else to me by saying “they’re cool.. kinda business casual” bitch that’s a dress code i need more than that

a lot of panic with hardly any disco