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Mr. Mxyzptlk and J Jonah Jameson so my slash fiction can finally come to life 😍

All these fuck the dodgers skeets warms my soul a teensy bit

Lowk kinda hope LeBron pulls an Aaron Rodgers and fucks up his knee on the second possession of philly’s opener

Here I was hoping you had redneck engineered your AC knobs into a dashboard controller

You are going to regret not correcting this behavior in like 2 months lol I mean… awww 🥰

I only saw a still image and I still don’t know who it actually was, but it looked like Robert Duvall and now I’m sad we live in a world where that’s not a real possibility :(

Oh dip!

That is one smarmy mug shot

Oh fuck

Damn those theaters not catering to the 6:30 AM on a Saturday crowd. This is why cinema is dying.

I love that you can just refer to Ed Begley Jr as “my friend Ed” in the same manner the rest of would be like “hey guys, my mechanic is a surprisingly decent Rizzo if you wanna catch the tri-county production of Grease down at the senior center this week.”

How much longer does Kalshi say we have on Schrödinger’s Mitch?

My husband texted me "IT HAPPENED" but it turned out to be about LeBron going to the 76ers. I had 2 minutes of beautiful serenity.

Dang they really got a category for everything

Sub Coke Zero in for the DC and we cool

Oh fuuuuuuck you still kissing his ladybugged balloon knot even after it went cold

I’ve only been gone a day but I miss my pets so fucking much

This is the rule of three we need but instead Sam fucking Neill dies

Hell is now plagued by ladybugs! 🐞