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Tits always get my vote.

Ready for Spider-Man!!!

Upon hearing that I bought a new Spider-Man t-shirt to wear to the movie today, she says… “You’re literally little Ducky with adult money.” She ain’t wrong. 🤣

As he stares at Nightcrawler’s BAMF. 🤣

That happened to me in 1998. Don’t ask.

open.spotify.com/track/5LnDh6...

All I KnowScreaming Trees · Dust · Song · 1996open.spotify.com

Happy Spider-Man Day to all who observe! 64 years of spectacular, amazing, friendly neighborhood wall-crawling! Also, going to see Spider-Man: Brand New Day this afternoon, so no spoilers!

Spiderman Spider-manAlt: Spiderman Spider-manstatic.klipy.com

Farts so rancid, if she’d been with me last night and this morning she’d have had me tried by The Hague for biological warfare.

open.spotify.com/track/4LE9vp...

Stardog Champion - Live From Alpine ValleyMother Love Bone, Chris Cornell, Pearl Jam · On Earth As It Is: The Complete Works · Song · 2016open.spotify.com

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Made Of RainbowsMother Love Bone · On Earth As It Is: The Complete Works · Song · 2016open.spotify.com

My FBI surveillance agent when he sees what kind of porn I watch…

Where Are The White Men FunnyAlt: Where Are The White Men Funnystatic.klipy.com

I’ve had a stomach ache all afternoon and I didn’t even eat any lettuce. This is straight fuckery.

Today I learned that you can lure a groundhog with a pack of Nabs*. *That’s what we call those crackers where I’m from.

First, make sure it’s clean. This is of utmost importance. Second, enthusiasm is key. Don’t be afraid to get in there and tear that thing up. Use your fingers elsewhere as well (provided you’re doing this to someone with a vagina). When their leg starts shaking, that’s when you got em.

Don’t. I’m taken. I’ll just say no.

Oh! Been busy with stuff and forgot… 20 WEEKS WITHOUT A CIGARETTE!!!

Long! Circumstances have kept me from spending as much time with a special someone as I’d like and I can’t wait until we get some “us” time again. Plus, work has been a real pain in the dick this week.

Thank you. She’d have liked you too.

I’d be burnt to a crisp. Her ashes are in a box on a shelf in my dining room.