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And they are acting like they are going to invade Cuba next?

As an outsider, can everyone be cool about whatever happens in MI tonight?

Tales From the Crypt is great because there will be an episode starring Lawrence Olivier and Vanessa Redgrave and it’s about a killer toaster oven.

The thing with the diarrhea lettuce is are they even doing anything to stop it?

[cut to]

We saw you from across the bar and were really digging how tasty your skin looked.

Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again.

If you’re in the media and think you got tricked by any of these people, you should quit your job.

Remember how the defining scandal of the Obama years was that a website didn’t work right on its first day?

"I need to address my supporters and promise that I have never acted as a kind and genuine human being in my life. These are lies!"