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"Dr. Bashir, we have an emergency situation on the Promenade. Are you able to attend?" "Absolutely not."

"Don't siege Leningrad, take it immediately."

Shut up, Percy.

That's amazing! She looks like she's about to execute SO MANY apostates!

I'm 50. All online political discourse looks like this: "CURTAINS FOR ZOOSHA? K-SMOG AND BATBOY CAUGHT FLIPPING A GRUNT"

Obviously, Doris Kearns Goodwin is winning the whole damn thing.

Wait...is this like, some kind of Squid Game situation where we kidnap popular American historians and make them do things? Because, boy- do I have some plans for Shelby Foote! What's that...he's dead? Not because of the... Oh- 2005, you say? Well, I guess that's fine.

Oh, good- I was worried I might have ingested some poison, so this really helps.

So, the city came through my neighborhood a little while ago and marked all the potholes with pink spray paint. They didn't actually fix any of them- now we just have decorated potholes.

You could do worse?

If you didn't want to see the adder-pit, you could have just said so.

Now they're out back smoking clove cigarettes and listening to the Cure.

"Well- fuck me, then."

I thought he was a character from the part of Lord of the Rings that everybody skips.

Well, now he's on the list And I'm sure he'd not be missed

"Oi, you. Yeah, you- din't you kill my bruvvah?"

If debt is a work of art, then I am Vincent van Gogh. A genius, but unrecognized in my own lifetime.

Also, why is Jesus only a Lieutenant General? You think the Son of Man is going to have some Pentagon pencil-pusher ordering him around?