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I think I make up silly songs for my cats more for my amusement than theirs. #Caturday

I can stomach Chipotle anytime, but their prices about twice per year. I used to eat there several times a month—not anymore.

My taste isn’t widely considered sophisticated, but I think Columbia has the best coffee beans.

Sauron is desperately looking for his ring and the one place in Middle Earth it can be destroyed doesn’t even have a guard posted to it. #LOTR

My grandfather just turned 101 years old yesterday and told me he didn’t go to any birthday invitations because he fell on the golf course and cracked a rib. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Earth is flat because the oceans aren’t carbonated.

“Tear Here” rarely tears there.

The last time there was world peace is never.

Maybe the US should just leave the Middle East the hell alone and see how that goes.

The Public doesn’t want it Voters don’t want it Congress doesn’t want it The world doesn’t want it Yet the Iran war rages on.

By the time rich people are forced to eat leftovers and scour their cupboards the rest of us will be dead.

I told my neighbor I have 3 frozen chicken breasts if he has the means to make them into a meal for everyone. He told me he can only afford to eat 5 days of the week and today isn’t one of them. Trump winning is so much fun.

“You were injured in the military. It took years of us fighting you to admit it. Now we’ll pay you every month but we get a week’s grace period to do it.” Every month. Every time. This.

I have a great idea. Let’s put a few hundred million dollars from taxpayer money directly into my checking account. What, it seems to be okay when Trump does it. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Maybe I should’ve been a lawyer so I could help sue the shit out of Trump.

I feel like I’m in limbo between WTF and WTF am I supposed to do about it.

In a country of law, order and justice, we would be talking about why Trump is in jail and not why he isn’t.

Trump and his appointed goons deliberately withheld federal funds from states which didn’t vote for Trump. But it’s the weekend so we’ll worry about that later.

If Netflix betrays us too I’m going to be a grumpy fucker. It’s nearly all I have left. Everything else was canceled.

We have the right to protest, but the government is under no obligation to heed to any of it. Going forward I think that needs to change.