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bringing a beautiful baby girl into the world and naming her avarice bigtime

im being stalked by a bloated bandy legged apparition it keeps saying stuff like “can i try these on in a 9”. i told it to begone one time and got a write up

guys lets assume an imperious bearing

(in a bathrobe, picking up an insanely old timey telephone, immediately assaulted with your frenetic ravings) honey… honey slow down. make it quick. I got a live one tonight and I completely fucked up my bush

the pensive pig has cast his watery gaze upon you. ruminate? > y > n

kleines pisschen machen

god has placed a curse in my belly

rotating home from the abyssopelargic trenchline on the ice moons of Rigon V, coming out of cryo and immediately starting a podcast to hock my Fat Smoky Bastard Kentucky Hoss Sauce

solution oriented posts

coffee. delivering caffeination solutions since like. 1980 at least

Wouldst thou like to live normal style

what’s up youtube this is the mcboingboing (i pogo stick into the drive thru line and my whole head smashes fully through the overhang and gets stuck and i just swing there clearly dead as a doornail. the line of cars proceeds as normal)

seeing slayyyter tonight. went to pee and every urinal had a girl using it

tv show where contestants have to create a menu and run food stands in a baseball stadium, spend $$$ to sabotage each other etc. guns allowed also

my erstwhile partner boudin larue: you dont grasp the chance before us. surely a businessman like le cig can appreciate this golden opportunity me: (consternated, biting nails) my boss, le cig, will not be pleased le cig: (other room) bigtiiiiiiime!!! me: now you’ve done it boudin you fool

(suspended in a wire cage) i love a “press any key” ass start menu lol

if shakespeare was married to a phish fan and had enough he’d probably be all like (aside) deep as did e’er plummet sound I’ll drown my wook

looking at my phone and seeing your post and dryly saying “this fucking guy” aloud to nobody

Our long national nightmare is over

(after getting dumped, crying) but my catalogue delivers supplies and solutions for every industry