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If you tried to stretch an intestine from Earth to the Moon, then the Lord God would strike you down for your hubris and everyone would have to have different intestines after that

Dragon Quest VII is the most relatable of all JRPGs since it requires your characters his two jobs at once

At this point the presidency is like a pet bird. We didn't realize it would be this expensive or destructive, oh buddy way too messy and jeez we didn't think it'd live this long

I'm learning so much from the automated captions

Too tall: "How's the weather up there?" Too short: "How's the weather down there?" Average height: "Weather patterns are imperceptible to you"

Having a threesome scheduled has the same effect on sexual performance as having a someone over for dinner does to your housekeeping. Let's clean up nice, put out the good genitals, we have guests

[as they're tying me to a stake and putting kindling at my feet] "Did I miss a social cue?"

Okay, they're installing solar panels on my roof right now. How long until my life becomes a yogurt commercial?

Art by Kow Yokoyama

Once informed of the average grass quality and ratio of pretty girls in other towns, Axl Rose sued Paradise City for fraud.