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if this were a civilized country we would long ago have criminalized putting the milk back in the fridge with less than a bowl of cereal's worth of milk in it

women who are the subject of ace of base songs only want one thing

wonder what god did to deserve to have to just sit and watch this shit all day

there’s really nothing you can logically conclude about childbirth in general from induction

I wish I was more.

Naturally the godless liberal Munchkins of Oz wasted no time leaping to joyous celebration after the death of their political opponent.

it's 2030, all human-crafted fiction is consumed solely by computers and "reading" is the name of the modern hobby of perusing an author's text searching for the smoking gun that it was written using generative AI

the only thing purer than a newborn baby is a pot smoker wondering aloud in the head shop why anyone would buy one of the plain clear pipes with the big bulb at the end and no bowl

I have not seen my family for months. Though the t-shirt which proclaims it is torn and stained with the blood of lesser men, from atop a pile of their bodies day and night I repel those who would claim the title of #1 Dad.

from now on i whishtle my eshesh

dead evil powerful people are the number one thing we should speak ill of, we are supposed to write ill childrens songs of the dead even

aging like a fine loaf of bread

hemingway's iceberg in the age of global warming just writing nothing at all and getting drunk

"just desserts" arms crossed mad as FUCK absolutely steaming all my enemies gathered together at last around one table gleefully stuffing their disgusting fucking faces with molten chocolate cake

Human progress is a bell curve with the non-existence of pizza on one side, the wide availability of pizza in the middle, and unaffordable pizza behind a login, captcha, credit card data entry, touchscreen menu and 90 minute delivery on the other side.

finally! enlightenment! now i can share this wisdom! nah whatever (dies)

Every time they show the VAR guys at the beginning of the game 😐😐😐 🖥️🖥️

if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck it might just be a guy who sharted

chatgpt says my questions about topics i know next to nothing about are genuinely interesting and insightful which means a lot coming from a super intelligent machine you know

veni vidi vici cursive wood block letters hanging on caesars bedroom wall over the headboard