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Please don’t take this personally but much of 311 annoys the shit out of me.

I’m so frickin tired. I almost full on fell asleep at work. Thank god someone dropped a box as I started nodding.

T & A Safe word Hip hop Chill out Keytar

Got bagels for the office and was on a good mood and someone stole my Diet Coke from the fridge. There were no community diet cokes. It obviously belonged to someone.

Once again debating between going to bed and getting rest for once, and staying up like a doofus

The Chemical Brothers and the Chemical Sister, Micro-Dot

When a puppy has those big feet it hasn’t grown into yet, we call that “biscuit paw.”

9:00 - “About to pass out completely watching TV like a grandpa” 11:18 - “Now that I’ve committed to going to bed early I will still sit here farting around on my phone”

Gotta keep this at my desk.

Used a new razor last night and my face absolutely looks like it was stitched together today.

I’m pretty sure I feel better than this morning but I got that internal bruising you only get from puking your guys out earlier.

Woke up feeling very not good. Sick day but not the fun kind.

What about instead of the Beastie Boys singing Sabotage it’s the Loony Tunes singing Succotash ?

Leezard

If I see an animal I know I gotta sing their name like a little jingle to say hello.

Not setting an alarm? What luxury! What fancy!

You can make many many fruits into upside down cakes if you don’t like pineapples. Pears! Blood orange. You know, fruits.

Was seeing someone once and they got pissy because I had Filter on my playlist and I still can’t figure it out.

Well, apparently it can!