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In case you missed it, TATW is on sale!

TV show idea: "Steve Buscemi's Staring Contest." Each week, Steve stares directly into the camera for 45 minutes. He never blinks. Ever.

Hank zapped the compost pile with their ray gun, transforming it into fresh vegetables. "Fantastic! Our new #creation works brilliantly!" "We'll be rich!" Sue said, grinning. "Actually, just me." He turned, aiming at her head. "I trusted you!" she gasped. "How could you beet ray me?" #vss365

It's so embarrassing when you drink too much at a party and pass out on the couch. Man, I shouldn't have done all those shots of warm milk and chamomile tea.

Showoff werewolf hunter who brags about being the only one who can afford gold bullets.

👽🛸

So glad this screen door has a lock on it! Nobody can get in here unless they can pull kinda hard!

They Ate The Waitress turns seven this weekend! To celebrate it's book birthday, the Kindle version is on sale for only 99 cents until August 3. It's the perfect time to grab a copy of this funny cannibal murder mystery! mybook.to/atethewaitre... #booksky #mystery

"We just find the sorcerer's coffin and steal the Ring of #Temptation," I said. "The spell will save your kingdom and send me home!" The princess nodded. "Do you miss the Hotdog Realm?" I sighed. "Can you please just call it Earth?" "You think 'dirt' is a better name? You're silly." #vss365

Reversible high heels so your feet can be tall in the front.

Mina’s head tingled as the ghosts entered her body. They were excited about spending a night away from the funeral home. When she #arrived at the club, Paul was getting a drink. “Dance with us,” she said. “Fine, but that’s all. I’m not kissing you with a dozen dead grandmas watching.” #vss365

Low budget science fiction novel adaptations: * The Mall Is A Harsh Mistress * Project Hi Mary How's It Going * Does Andy Dream of Electric Sheep? * The Travel Montage Before We Cut to a Small, Angry Planet * Have Space Suit — Will Travel Next Season, If We Get Renewed * Slaughterhouse 2 ½

Merlin #arrived to address the crowd. “Anyone who pulls the sword from the stone will become your king!” The villagers gathered around, but instead of trying their luck, they took the boulder. They dragged it to a ship and dropped it in shark-infested waters. “Now let’s get magic boy.” #vss365

Snow is much tastier in a cone than in a globe.

And in other news, a celebrity psychic has issued an apology for an offensive post she will make several years from now. “In my vision, I saw myself hurting people with my careless remarks. I’m super sorry that this will happen, even though it will totally prove I can see the future or whatever.”

Sleep paralysis demon auditions.

Sue stared at her crumpled rear bumper and groaned. “Too bad #brakes aren’t retroactive,” the other driver said, shaking his head. “I could just brake now and undo the accident.” Sue sighed. “Only one mistake here could have been undone, but your mom decided not to.” #vss365

Eye doctor: Which is better — one or two? Cyclops: I'll stick with one, thanks.

The elevator was halfway down when the cable snapped. The passengers screamed as they fell for what felt like miles. At last, the #brakes activated. "Can't take you downstairs until they send a repairman," the elevator operator said. With a long wait ahead, he decided to sharpen his horns. #vss365

Roscoe made a new friend!