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Laughing at the idea of a Dinner Party Floor Shitter

I don't have drafts so: Googa choo choo

Becoming Tate McRae: The Pop Sensation on Navigating Fame, Treating Work Like 'a Fantasy' and Getting Taylor Swift's 'Amazing' Sourdough Bread

There's a waluigi in all of us in that we show up for tennis unannounced

Not enough people are called dingdongs

Vincent pastore was a prick to my mom when she worked TSA at JFK

I don't see a future where I can be who I truly am and I never did Downer post, I know, but where's the lie

I'd like it if anybody in the Ramsey family copped to the murder of Jon-Benet bc ofc one of them did it

Anger Management is not at all how one should be introduced to Woody Harrelson but that's my story regardless

I don't see System of a down on here so Mesmerize Do I die if I don't complete it in a month

Mr. me and Ms. also me will be catching a game at PNC Park on Sunday if you were hoping to throw tomatoes at me in nyc twelve years ago but missed your chance

My go-to alternative in these situations is definitely Not Odysseus. Laugh at his name all you like, but that's what it is. I love Not

Everyone is Kermit's children

My brain created a holiday called Norwegian Carcass Day in a dream last Thursday. The dream never told me what it was actually about but the vibe was Shriver Tuesday

Idk if I was dick van dyke I'd avoid the hassle of tripping over a footrest entirely. I would say no

*to those that have muted or blocked me* you've bereaved yourself of me trying to hula hopp. Different from hula hoop in ways you'll never know

I'm a superhero to any baby

Critics have all agreed that I'm a bitch

*holding hideo kojima at gunpoint* make snake say he loves me and my digimon collection

*stretches straps of overalls with thumbs* WELP, I do reckon that *a button breaks off and sends me bottomless*