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having my nephew over for the weekend, we're going shoplifting

told a bunch of firefighters that it's really more of a crazyfire and they all agreed, they're changing the word for me

going outside and taking great, heavy breaths while jogging in place. getting as much wildfire smoke into me as possible so I can carry the legacy of whatever it is that's burning in Saskatchewan

lettuce hemorrhoids

crawling inside Godzilla's cloaca

that ain't no fox

letting my nephew kill me with lawn darts

sorry, can't come in to work today, I have to smash my bunions with a ball peen hammer

hyper-extending both thumbs trying to show off to my boss by snapping my new, extra-wide suspenders and spending 25 minutes sobbing in the back room

alive grandpas vs dead grandpas basketball league

I'll never know if my grandpa had IBS, but I bet he was ripping tons of shit tickets just like his boys

I wish my grandpa were alive today to attend the Sunday dinner I'm having with the Pokémon Buzzwole

I wish my grandpa were alive today to see how racist he could get away with being

hello! I'm poor. I'd like to do a commission for you, if you'd like. here's some examples of previous work commissioned on this lovely website. if you're interested or want more details, send me a DM. love you thanks

the cool part of perpetual stew is you can just sneeze into it and stuff and if anything bad happens because of that there's no way to verify it