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When I was in college I took an Intro to Film Analysis course, and during that semester we watched Alien.

*interior monologue while grocery shopping* “Aw hell yeah, kiwi is the fuckin’ bitch”

I celebrate this day every year like it’s the Fourth of July

Being an adult is spending half your time at work, and the other half wandering around going “Where’d I put that goddamn — I WAS JUST HOLDING IT!!”

Tag yourself, I'm "I hate it here"

The fucking stupid ass shit I wake up to on this app

Inexplicably made into a CGI animated film directed by Andy Serkis where Jurgis (voiced by Jonah Hill) gives a very long speech at the end about how capitalism can actually be changed if we just fix a few things

Oh are there tensions between the US and Iran, currently? Hadn’t heard anything about it!

When I go to the movies I tape five single dollar bills to the seat in front of me, and every time an actor forgets their lines I remove one, and whatever’s left is my tip

Area man places Amazon order so he doesn’t have to deal with all things he needs being locked behind glass at real grocery store

The theory: “People who aren’t as dumb as a box of rocks like things that are good.”

I’m defecting from the Celtics, all in on Brown and Bron!!

Bender: “Listen, I don’t like you, and you don’t like me!” Leela: “I like you.” Bender: “You do? What do you like most about me?”

Pivoting to full time bullying teenagers on BookTok should be a natural fit, good for her