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There's a new Viz on sale today. And King Charles makes an exciting discovery in the Buckingham Palace gardens nature reserve, in 'King, Queen and Knave.'

"My Grok version of The Odyssey was so amazingly historically accurate that it caused a fissure in Time and went hurtling back to dinosaur days, and that's why you can't see it, unless you're a dinosaur."

I can find a link between vaccines and autism for $4 billion - it would probably involve tiny invisible pixies in the vaccines - then I would spend some of my riches on hiring someone to follow RFK around with a bucket of used rubber johnnies and flick them at his head for the rest of his life

Cartoon from 2005: Ann Widdecombe and her High Church Mice

He's tripped over a guy rope and the piss-sodden tent has collapsed on him.

Anyway. What a cunt.

I suppose he prefers being outside the tent pissing in, rather than inside the tent drowning in his own piss

oh for fucks sake

Getting bored now

Reform trying to work out how to switch the camera on

Perhaps he'll use a skywriting plane to write his announcement in the sky, and the plane will crash, and this time the hounds of Fate will not be denied?

Don't get your hopes up. It may just have been a typo, and he's going to announce that he has invested in a pubic lice farm

If ever there was a prime candidate for somebody to return to earth as a cantankerous ghost, flitting from pub to pub making people's mobile phones fly across the room, and chilling the marrows of those who use salty language, then that person is Sir Humphrey Smith

I spent the summer of 1976 at my Aunt Meg's cottage on the surface of the Sun, where me and my dog uncovered a gang of smugglers and were rewarded with a Chopper bike with asbestos wheels. That just wouldn't happen now.

There is Virgin broadbandings issue in your area. Thankings for patience, we workings to fixing problems as quickly as we can

Back in Hereford. A pint of Butty, a loaf of wine, and thou beside me, singing in the wilderness, etc

There's a new Viz on sale today, featuring 'Keir Starmer's Pajama Drama.' And my use of the American spelling for 'pyjama' throughout the strip was of course deliberate - it was a wry, ironical comment on, er, the global infiltration of Americanisms, or something.

If, like me, you're the sort of person who is eventually going to die, you really ought to buy this book.

It won't hurt todays kids if they have to spend an hour or so sitting in the car outside social media platforms with a can of pop and a packet of ready salted crisps