Профиль

Anyone who supports Trump shouldn't be allowed around kids.

Waiting for them to trace the explosive diarrhea to the reflecting pool algae.

2026: The fall of Rome but with internet.

So what do all of you think about this saying?

Do you prefer your bidet flat or carbonated?

Anyone who says money can't buy happiness has probably never done drugs.

Me: *makes a balloon animal* FBI: *confiscates experimental biopolymer*

Any press is good press.

I'd be so famous, though. Even if I missed the goal.

Sometimes you just gotta get naked and climb a tree.

Is that Bigfoot?

Anyone else have the burning desire to kick Jimothy into a soccer goal?

Fountain pens are the most orgasmic of the pens.

Algebra is pretty much just snakes on a plane.

If a plane crashes right on the border of the US and Canada, where do they bury the survivors?

The worst thing you can see out a plane window is the pilot and copilot with parachutes.

If I ever get lost in a plane wreck, just send an email to find me.

I am 100% sure I could fly a plane. I just don't know that I could land one.

*pointing at a picture of mitch mcconnell in hospital* me: rigor tortoise