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I cannot begin to express how immediately and urgently I need colder weather back.

“I can do hard things” I whisper to myself before calling to schedule an appointment.

You only have two wolves inside you?? Lucky. I have a whole pack and they bicker constantly 🙄

It’s my birthday or whatever

WHY ARE THERE MEN IN MY LESBIAN BARRRRR AHHHHHHH

Once my curse is lifted it’ll be over for you hoes

It could be a worse day I supposed

Anthony Bourdain Anthony Bourdain SmokingALT: Anthony Bourdain Anthony Bourdain Smokingstatic.klipy.com

Where is your romance you whimsy-less whore

Kind of annoying that it keeps being Monday again like wasn’t it Monday last week??

Rip the chapstick I let melt like butter in my car today

Taking a hot girl walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Just discovered I’m the cause of all my problems??? That doesn’t sound right???

The inside of my brain is like an I Spy book and you expect me to remember to text back?

Schrödinger’s Mitch McConnell

The problem with saving money is I’m not allowed to spend it

*standing in the middle of the IKEA* Idk bro the Feng shui is OFF in here I don’t like it

Surely I can fuck around and not find out

The should create a sleep that actually makes you feel well rested

Okay fine so we eat the rich but what wine pairs with billionaire loser? And what’s for dessert?

I’ll ask the Hatman before I ask ChatGPT anything