Профиль

listing things in the vicinity as a grounding technique: trees. the moon. dirt. hooded figures. ceremonial blades. a creeping red mist. stone altar. flock of ravens. the grisly remains of the last guy...

Am I guilty of using rhetorical ambiguity to mask my real convictions — or lack thereof? Perhaps.

You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. Your saving throw vs. satiety is successful. You thrust with your fork. You hit the food. The food is destroyed! You open a food ration. You thrust with your fork.

Cooking with love to muster more swords to my banner

Her: You must be in possession of all 25 parts of the long-lost Elder Beetle if you think we're conducting a dark ritual at midnight. Me:

The fat and jolly gatehouse guard is so relatable. I’d make that exact same gurgling sound if my throat was slit by an assassin

Saw your husband planning an expedition to the island of a powerful sorceress without the use of a protective amulet or mage to shield him🤭

Melting down a toadman into a huge tourmaline of middling quality via a complex alchemical process.

Hey dude? Mind if I use your guest dagger to disembowel this eunuch?

That's a shame that you fell into my bubbling tar trap. I was saving that for later.

Pikemen hate this one weird trick (being killed by a crossbow bolt.)

Psst, hey, you. Want to make a ducat? Go pluck the town flower and bring it to me.

Phew. Lotta bone mephits in the caldera today. Good thing I'm a rhombus knight and get bonus saves against mephits.

Listen pal, nobody aggroes my wife but me.

Decaying chariot in the front yard. Kids climb in and pretend they're driving. Nobody's even seen a horse around these parts in a decade.

Spoiler alert. Here comes the rot monster.

Prying the lid off a huge crate of banded armor for my ape army, and smiling.

Dropping the wife and kids off at the spider biome.

I'm not telling you that you can't leave the labyrinth I'm just trying to shift your perspective on the issue

New recruits think that, because our thieves guild is headquartered in the city sewers, you can just poo anywhere. You can't. Please, go a little ways down the tunnel to poo.