Профиль

This is a picture of an important, priceless, irreplaceable piece of American history. And the Mayflower.

A plantain is just a banana who joined the Peace Corps.

I remember one time I showed my father the bubble level app on my phone and I don't think he was ever more disappointed in me.

Oh, hammered dulcimer, you had me at trapezoidal resonant sound board.

Youtubers be like, "If you enjoyed this video, please be sure to smash that like button, make sweet sweet love to that subscribe button, cornhole that notification button, and Dutch oven that join button."

She's a 10 but puts raisins in her mac salad.

Bartender, a Hawaiian sea breeze and the spam jello, please.

Here's JFK feeding a deer. Right after this picture was taken, the deer says, "John, I am your father" and JFK's like "NOOOOO!" and the deer says, "It is your destiny! Join me" and JFK's all "NOOOOO!" and then the deer bites his hand off.

Eggs Clouseau, anyone?

Revenge is best served at the Red Robin in Temecula.

Hear me out: The Bob Dylan Fortune Cookie Factory. Instead of fortunes, every cookie will have a Dylan lyric inside like, "The sun's not yellow, it's chicken" or "Everybody must get stoned." Of course the reverse side will have "lucky" lottery numbers. This is the best idea I will ever have.

I just picked an orange off my tree and ate it. It's hot outside so the orange was warm. (hashtag warm orange summmer)

I'm Trader Joe's used to sell cigarettes years old.