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as someone who's been pregnant i cannot think of anything scarier than one of your organs growing a person and then expelling them. that's the kind of thing you call a priest about

Moms like to start conversations at 7 am with “Thirteen people in India are dead”

the joy of the toddler is that you can take him to a safari park to show him a rhino up close and he will turn the other way and begin to cheer loudy for the chevy pick up truck

wonderful news. the american army of rapists have been deployed to the middle east to support women's rights

I don’t need to see the odyssey. It happens to me once or twice a week

Unless you decide to become naked all the time you can never truly “BE DONE WITH LAUNDRY”.

if you had asked lou gehrig what he thought symptoms of lou gehrig's disease would be i bet he would be like "being good at baseball" but unfortunately that's not how things shook out

if i'm being honest taylor swift and travis kelce had a medium sized indian wedding

toddler currently weeping because he bumped his head but doesn't have enough language skills to express himself. just crying the words "big bird, ernie, tigger, eeyore" over and over again

I am also marrying Travis kelce at Madison square garden

in a porn parody of toy story, probably called "sex toy story" (not a surprising title) you wouldn't have to rename woody or buzz. but that's not a reason to make it

Hearing a police siren and pulling over out of fear even though I'm sitting on my couch in my house

They can!?!? Well I've got a weekend activity for my toddler and dog...

"Hi Hungry, I'm Dad"

this is how they get you - you're enjoying a brunch and thinking "i have not thrown out my back and i never will". then at the damn drop of a hat,

ever since they lost ,things have not been looking good for arizona's chances in the championship

2 years ago to this date i found out i was pregnant. do you know how hard it is to tell your husband that kind of news on this day

With the way the world is going is there a day that we are NOT the “April fool”? Thanks

You might call it pregaming but I’m not going to stop calling it “getting my booster shots”

i swear to god next year i am doing my march madness bracket after the whole thing is over