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If you show your face again, I will be macing you with bear spray. It is that simple.

Raspberries and almonds help with cramps. This information has been brought to you by your community whimsical bitch.

Ordered food to be delivered. Got priority delivery. 70 dollars plus 15 dollar tip. An hour and a half goes by. The driver tells me they gave them the wrong order and went back. The restaurant is 10 minutes away, but now closed. The driver delivers order to my door. Completely wrong order.

“Almost always, it isn’t cancer.” The words almost and always do not make a combo in my brain, sir.

I dislike how people speak about Gen Z and how poorly we are at social interactions. It is almost like a very critical part of our development was spent quarantining and that we lost out on a lot of opportunities to get better socialized. You can’t just see an effect and ignore the causation.

If you are carrying your laptop half open so you can run your Claude code instead of turning off the ‘sleep when lid is closed’ setting, blow yourself up.

“SSH to the switch.” *shushes switch in the server room* “It’s okay, don’t be scared.”

Got asked if I worked at a place because I was wearing all black, happens a lot, comes with the style. What doesn’t make sense is that we were in a fucking Target.

Pusheth me, and verily toucheth me, thus recieven thine satisfaction

Dental hygienist: “BRB” Patient: * Dental dammed up *

My dyslexia is bad. I read “adopt, don’t shop” as “abort, don’t shop”.

I would either be the best at beating Freddy Krueger or the worst because I can’t naturally fall asleep completely, but I do go into a state of lucid dreaming.

How many times do I need to explain to you that this is another fucking way to run a powershell script just with a fancy name, stop calling it something else

Vagazzling merkins on my baby Birkin Searching for Irving just sipping on some turbid

There is a point in mathematics where it turns into a question of faith. “Somehow, these complex vectors keep their direction and are rotated in complex space, do NOT ask me how. Just solve x1 and x2.”

I’ve been pulling ass since before it was in style

As somebody who has not read the Dune series, but know somethings about it. Does Paul identify as a man or a woman? Coming from a trans person, there is some nuance in the gendered roles in the Dune universe and I am unclear how it is being portrayed.

Nothing is real. Time doesn’t exist. The only thing that exists is back pain.

Shouldn’t have groomed my eyebrows during a heatwave. My eyes have no protection from my antidepressant sweats. I am being blinded by salty flash floods coming from my forehead.

I got robbed by a baby yesterday. Committing petty crimes even before turning 1 year old.