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Guys, is this the juice?

Introducing my stoned wife to the fan theory that everything that happens in Ferris Bueller's Day Off is in Cameron's head.

Floor cushion.

Watching Frasier for the first time:

Showing us six people being like "What in the fuck!?" is a nice touch. It's like they're saying "It wasn't pointless, look how freaked out these people were before going in and eating a fuckton of lobster!".

The worse you have to pee, the sooner you take your dick out on the way to the bathroom.

Lebowski

I have two things to say about this. The first is that we as a society really need to stop paying attention when PETA does some stupid publicity stunt. The second thing would get me canceled if I actually said it.

Me when I walk into the trans party ready to mingle:

[I get into a position in front of the camera, sitting in a chair with my knees to my chest so you can clearly see a little of my ballsack hanging out of my shorts] "Okay, so let me tell you why every politician to the left of Elizabeth Warren is a literal dog fucker...."

"Rez change! The Quant party changed their reservation from a four-top to a two-top!"

What fucking drug is this guy on!? I feel like this is the third or fourth dumb thing he's said this week. God I hope it's desperation in the face of demise.

Oh my God. So this dude's name is Jay Collins and I just saw a new ad where he says "When I was in Iraq I took a jihadi bullet in the leg, so I performed surgery on myself".

Wasn't this thing going to destroy the world a few days ago?

Talking head: "Some new homeowners find it hard not to become their parents." [Cut to a married couple at a table with a day planner] Husband: "Okay, so every second and fourth Tuesday will be sex night." Instructor: "No, you don't have to schedule sex nights. Just have sex when you're horny."