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Also, he just has no foundation

You mean the 9 oldest and the one dead.

I bet he rang your phone for 20 minutes.

I know this has nothing to do with the story, but when I saw his photo I first thought it was Jim Carrey.

What he meant to say: "I'VE been proven to be a disaster for thousands of years."

That tracks

"Hey guys, have you seen my impression of McConnell? I'm here all week."

When did he have time to get a BBL?

Tra la la la la la la Tra la la la la la la !

He's such a freak

That absolutely cannot be true. Please?

Maybe a bathroom, but not a ballroom

I'm a Maryland voter and I assure you - you didn't need to say that for my benefit.

This bit is hysterical. It's a bit, right? Not real, right?

The new American Dream

Petty Betty strikes again!

Any questions?

You know him...women and children first

Books his wife recommended to him while they were dating. Neither of them read either one.

Then he woke up, took out his purple crayon, and scribbled over the whole thing